Relationship Issues after Weight Loss Surgery?
Experiencing Relationship Issues after Weight Loss Surgery are many and varied. They have all the elements of being good, bad and ugly. And it’s all your fault. You decided to change. You being “fat” makes others feel comfortable and safe.
Bariatric weight loss surgery is associated with improved confidence and self-esteem and psychological changes in general. It’s a great “side-effect” of weight loss and one that we all want.
What is hard to fathom is other peoples’ reactions to our weight loss after surgery. Family and friends who you thought were 100% on your team may begin to show signs of jealousy and indifference to your achievements. You may even be met with remarks such as “you took the easy way out” or “you will just put the weight back on anyway”. These comments by people we love and who are supposed to love us cut straight through to the heart.
Weight Loss Surgery is no easy way out. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to achieve the desired weight loss and to maintain it. The last thing you should have to deal with is other people not coping with you changing.
Herein lies the issue. You being the “fat” one in a group or family allows others to feel more confident with their body and life. Seemingly, they have no competition from you. You are no threat until you have lost enough weight. Then someone else in the family or group of friends now becomes the “fat” one. Resentment can set in from the newly crowned “fatty” of the group which will often find them trying to sabotage your success. Jealousy from others is a human emotion that you may find yourself having to deal with after losing significant amounts of weight.
If you remain the “fat” identity in the group or family relationships will generally be stable.
They won’t be what you want necessarily but you accommodate it because as someone who is obese you may feel your friendship options are limited. And unfortunately, this is often the case. Fat shaming happens in all areas of life. Its ramifications are underestimated.
Weight affects the way people see you and treat you. Weight loss affects the way people treat you and respond to you.
Bariatric Divorce figures vary depending on the research module you look at. Suffice to say however, that the divorce rate following bariatric weight loss surgery is high. With physical and psychological improvements, comes increased confidence and self-esteem. Clients find they no longer need unhealthy relationships, and many choose to end those relationships.
In this article I won’t be dissecting the myriad of relationship issues that can and do occur for the Bariatric patient, but it is something that is addressed in depth when I work with Bariatric Weight Loss Clients pre and post-surgery.
Let’s also not forget those acquaintances who have had surgery the same day/week/month etc. that you have. It could be in a group you belong to. Yes, unfortunately this is another area where we see fellow Bariatric patients becoming jealous because someone else is losing quicker or losing more. Everyone loses at different rate for numerous and obvious reasons. Comparing your weight loss journey with another can make you feel like a failure if the rate of loss is not the same. DON’T do this to yourself. Just don’t do it. Focus on your journey knowing that your body and mind will lose weight at a rate that is perfect for you.
Relationships will change after you have surgery. Some will excel and others you will find dissipate.
It is not a reflection of you or the surgery. These relationships quite often were unhealthy and the power within them one sided long before you decided to have surgery.
If you would like more information on our programs or how we can help you through this life changing journey, please visit our website at www.savvybariatrics.com