Anxiety of a Risk Taker

Julia Lorent, interviews Jaemin Frazer, entrepreneur, podcaster and personal development expert. 

The downsides of being somewhat of a risk taker with a with an entrepreneurial spirit are that it seems one has to manage a seemingly never-ending sea of uncertainty. So where did the anxiety come from? 

I’m sure there are just as many costs involved in being risk-averse, but when I decided to back myself, follow my gut and launch into business 9 years ago, I certainly underestimated some of the mental and emotional impacts of stepping out.

In fact, I only lasted 3 years before I needed a 12-month sabbatical because I found myself overwhelmed with anxiety. I handed the operations over to my business partner and checked out.

Interestingly, the sabbatical year was initially incredibly confronting.

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I went from doing everything to doing nothing overnight. To my surprise, that only increased the anxiety! Yet, in the process of holding the space for myself and not going back to my business until I’d solved the anxiety problem, I learned some wonderfully valuable lessons that have served me well ever since.

Anxiety needs a back story to survive.

Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not convinced that anxiety is a condition that you simply have to survive or endure. It doesn’t come out of nowhere. You are not broken. What’s more, the source of your anxiety is not strange, random or unknowable. There is always a reason, an underlying belief, fear or insecurity that has created the anxiety response to something in your reality.

If there was no limiting belief, then it just doesn’t make any sense to be anxious.

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Anxiety always flows from a story of inadequacy. At a deep level, you are insecure about not being enough for the challenges you are facing. This leaves you feeling incapable of doing what needs to be done and then the only thing left to do it be anxious.

Therefore, the aim of the game is to live out of a story where to be anxious just doesn’t make sense.

Only focus on the next thing.

Former Australian opening batsman Justin Langer defines mental toughness as the ability to just focus on the next thing. The last ball has already passed, and the fast bowler you are afraid of is not on until the next over, but right now all you need to focus on is the very next ball. Be totally present for the next thing.

When I am worried about the challenges of tomorrow before I go to sleep, my simple instruction to myself is to focus on the next thing I need to do – which is to get some peaceful sleep. Once I have completed that job, I’m allowed to focus on the next thing I need to do. One thing at a time. With this strategy, there is no room for anxiety.  It just doesn’t make any sense to be anxious if all I am focused on is the current task right in front of me and I believe that I am capable of completing it successfully.

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Change the language

Susan Jeffers in her book “Embracing Uncertainty” says that if we tie our happiness to things working out the way we want, then we are perpetually bound to disappointment. Why tie happiness to matters outside our control? It is still crucial to be very clear about what we want, but we need to work out how to be happy because of who you are, not just when things go the way we want them to.

To be anxiety free, it is crucial to cut the cord between your happiness and your outcomes. This starts with the language you use with yourself.

I have two mantras that I find particularly useful to win the game with anxiety:  – “Whether this works out or not, I still deeply love and accept myself.” .”All I need is within me now. I am a good person, a creative person, an intelligent person. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow, but when I get there, I know I will work it out, just like I have every other day of my life till now.”  This means I am able to totally pour my best energy and effort into what I am doing and then let go of the need to control what is outside of my control. In this story, anxiety makes zero sense.

Jaemin Fraser Anxiety Risk Taker

Jaemin Frazer featured author

Jaemin Frazer is an Australian personal development expert and is one of the leading voices globally in dealing with personal insecurity.

Jaemin is the founder of The Insecurity Projectt, the voice behind the popular one minute coach radio segment featured on stations all around Australia, author of “Elegantly simple solutions to complex people problems, and soon to be released “Unhindered – How to be free from insecurity before you are 40.”

He specializes in helping 35-40-year-old entrepreneurs eradicate insecurity so they can show up to life unhindered by doubt, fear and self-limiting beliefs.

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Intuition- Biological Superpower or Woo Woo?

Trust yourself, know yourself, you have heard it all right?

So what about intuition? That little old niggle, the vibe, the “gut feeling” is it all woo-woo or is it a biological superpower?

In my field of work, assisting people in letting go of negative thinking and enabling positive-thought processes is instrumental in helping people live their best life. A part of this is educating and retraining people so their natural instincts can kick back in again. So the answer is yes intuition has a functional place in our lives and is a biological superpower!

Three decades of cognitive science research have demonstrated that humans are an intuitive species.

In fact, according to a study by Coley and Tanner in 2012 we humans display a collection of biological entities, they call them regularities of cognitive construals. The report explains: ” A cognitive construal is an informal, intuitive way of thinking about the world. It might be a set of assumptions, a type of explanation, or a predisposition to a particular type of reasoning. Three such cognitive construals—teleological thinking, essentialist thinking, and anthropocentric thinking—are common themes spanning research on intuitive biological thought.”

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They are not alone, Brene Brown, the author of five No.1 New York Times best-selling books and research professor into human behavior says “Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason.”

Your intuition is the sum of all your experiences, your perceptions, and filters.

Trusting yourself to use this knowledge which directs itself into a more finite distinct sensation, often presenting as a “gut feeling.” Some of the most successful people in the world are renown for honing in on and using their intuition. Why? Because it is more accurate than another person’s perspective of your life. When we listen to other people’s opinions of our life or direction, we can become powerless and lose our ability to be intuitive. “I rely far more on gut instinct than researching huge amounts of statistics,” wrote Richard Branson in one of his memoirs. “I tend to make up my mind about people within thirty seconds of meeting them.”

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So how do we do it?

It sounds simple, but practice does make perfect.  Learning to trust yourself is essential to live an authentic life — the word authentic means: not a copy, genuine. So if you are to have a genuine life true to your ideals and journey, your inner compass is very important.

Your instincts and intuitive gears are about building your self- trust, a muscle if you will. The more you use them and test them, the more you begin to understand the feelings, their accuracy and gauge with a fine point the directions to take in life or the sense you get about a situation.

While it is good to talk to someone and bounce ideas off them, ensure it is someone non-bias who has no ulterior motive in their connection or can be impacted by your decision making, as ultimately their opinion may be influenced by their filters and perceptions of you and your life.

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When we experience positive outcomes from actions we take, new neural pathways develop to support this action.

Do something positive enough times, and it becomes second nature. This goes for intuition. Feel it, know it, practice it and if you need help or want an unbiased person to talk to- click here to make an appointment.

Want to change your thoughts in 5 days? Try our complimentary 5 Day Thought Challenge.
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Time to Get Serious About Hypnosis

TIME TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT HYPNOSIS

Thanks to the antics of performers pulling audience tricks and turning the therapy into entertainment, it has caused an underlying fear in people of saying and doing humiliating things when in a hypnotic state. This isn’t the case, however, says Julia Lorent.

MELBOURNE, VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA — Hypnosis is a genuine therapy and should be given the respect it deserves. However, when dealing with the public’s and Hollywood’s misconceptions (see the recent runaway film Get Out, a psychological thriller), many fear the practice and therapists have a lot of frustration to contend with.

Films such as Get Out and Trance, as well as novelty performers, make a mockery and spectacle from a very respected science, and that’s important for people to understand. These contribute to the collective myth that hypnosis is something to be feared and avoided, when in actuality, it’s an immensely beneficial practice.

Two main types of therapeutic hypnosis exist: Suggestion Therapy and Patient Analysis. Both are merely guided relaxation techniques and are aids to psychotherapy. Suggestion Therapy uses the relaxed state in order to allow a patient to be more open to suggestions, like weight loss, pain control, or to kick a bad habit such as smoking or nail biting. Patient Analysis employs a relaxed state to delved deep into their subconscious and find the underlying psychological root cause of a disorder or symptom.

Practitioners should be formally qualified and registered with an industry body in order to administer hypnosis. As long as a therapist has been properly trained, there’s nothing at all to fear from hypnotherapy, only benefits to be gained. We promise no self-respecting professional will make you dance like a chicken or bark like a dog—or become an art thief. That being said, hypnosis should always be avoided by someone with psychotic or schizophrenic tendencies, such as hallucinations and delusions.

 

 

 

Walking Can Save a Marriage

WALKING CAN SAVE A MARRIAGE

Making a small amount of time with each other, in what can be a hectic lifestyle for many in 2017, could actually be a building block to saving your crumbling marriage, according to Australian therapist, Julia Lorent.

MELBOURNE, VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA — Walking is a low intensity exercise with great benefits, but did you know that by jointly participating in physical activity (outside the bedroom, that is) that couples also claim feeling more satisfied with their relationship?

According to Mind Body Green, “Pushing your physical body to the limit of what you believe is possible and sharing the moment with your partner is a great gift to treasure.” It’s positive reinforcement at its best and ripples throughout your relationship, fostering closeness and intimacy.

Walking daily increases your energy and self-confidence, gets you out in nature, improves your mood, adds years to your life, and gives you a more positive outlook on life. Each of these can also bolster a marriage. Why? Because due to its low intensity, talking simultaneously is an easy task and lends itself well to communication—the cornerstone of any good marriage. Walking gets you talking.

“Doing this can be a transformative process, it is so simple, yet again and again, I get reports of reconciled marriages and relationships due to the time the couple spend walking together. It can also bring romance into a relationship “ says Julia. “Think of long walks along the beach at sunset, bare feet on the soft grass in a park. You both receive the mental boost of physical activity, plus the renewed connection via communication in a gorgeous setting away from modern-day distractions like television and cell phones that can take attention away from our significant others during conversation.”

Walking takes a couple out of the normal day-to-day environment, where conversation tends to naturally flow—no expectations, no pressure. “I have seen firsthand the results of couples who walk together, talk together, and stay together,” says the Melbourne therapist who dedicates her life to transforming the lives of many in positive and long term ways.